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Fic: I'm Not Sorry 1

Fic: I'm Not Sorry 1

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Title: I’m Not Sorry

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn’t belong to me. If it did, certain things would be different. :) Here’s an example.



Director Jenny Shepard of NCIS strode purposefully into her office, early as usual. Therefore, she was surprised to see a visitor already waiting – one Abigail Sciuto, forensic scientist. She was slumped in a chair, head in her hands, dressed in blue jeans and a nondescript T-shirt.





When she raised her head Jenny saw that she wore no makeup, her hair was down, and her eyes were bloodshot and distant.


Something was definitely wrong with Abby.


“Come in,” said Jenny, opening the door to the inner office.


Abby followed, and stood in front of the desk wringing her hands, her face pale. “Director, I – “ She rushed to the nearest wastebasket and vomited, or rather gagged as there didn’t seem to be much left in her stomach. It was obvious it wasn’t the first time that day.


Abby wiped her mouth with a tissue. “I’m sorry, Director –“


“It’s okay, Abby. Sit down.” Jenny eyed the younger woman intently. “Morning sickness?”


Abby’s startled expression was enough to confirm it, but was followed by a faint “yes.”

She looked down and folded her hands, hunching her shoulders.


Jenny stood and sat beside Abby, putting an arm protectively around her shoulders. “You’re unhappy. What’s wrong?”


When there was no answer, she added, “If you don’t want the baby, you can ter- “


“No!” Abby’s eyes ran liquid as she turned to face Jen. “No, I want this baby very, very much.” She hugged her knees to her chest, tears running silently down her cheeks.


“Then what is it?” Jenny asked, gently wiping away the tears. An idea struck her. “Who is the father?”


That produced a torrent of words. “He didn’t mean anything by it. He made me – I mean, I wanted to, but I said ‘no’ because I knew there would be problems – but he was drunk, and it wasn’t his fault, but he made me, and I don’t think he even remembers, and –“


Jen shushed her with a finger on her lips. It had been difficult to understand most of Abby’s babbling, but Jenny had heard the crucial phrase “he made me” quite clearly. “Are you saying you were raped?”

“No!” Abby’s voice was full of anguish. “No, Director, I wasn’t raped, he could never do that to anyone. It wasn’t his fault, he was drunk and he couldn’t help it –“


“If you said ‘no’ and he did it anyway, that’s rape. Who was it, Abby?” Jenny’s voice had grown steely as anger formed in her gut. Abby was obviously trying to protect someone who had hurt her, but why?


‘Oh, God.’ Jen realized there was just one person who had Abby’s unquestioning loyalty.

“Tell me exactly what happened.” She very carefully kept her voice even and devoid of emotion.


Abby laid her forehead on her knees; her voice was muffled but Jen could understand her. “I go to his house sometimes, you know? Just to talk. And one night about two months ago we were working on the boat – “ Jenny shuddered slightly at the words which confirmed her suspicions, “ – and he was drinking more than usual. Something had upset him but when I asked about it he wouldn’t talk. Instead, he kissed me. It was wonderful at first…” Abby’s voice faded for a moment as she remembered. “We made out for awhile, but then it was going too far, and you know, Rule 12 is there for a reason – I told him ‘no’ three times, and I was very firm, even though inside I was screaming ‘yes’…” Abby was sobbing by this time, and Jenny let her cry for a few minutes, patting her back and whispering consoling words in her ear.


When the sobs were replaced by sniffles, Jenny asked, ”Did he know who you were, Abby? Did he say your name or did he say ‘Shannon’?”


“He said my name both times.”


“It happened twice?”


“Yes – after the first time, he fell asleep on top of me. I tried to get up but – “


Jenny felt a mixture of anger and compassion boiling in her gut. For a long moment she was unable to speak for the emotions choking her. Finally she said, “What happened the next time you saw him?”


“Everything was the same as before.” Abby shifted uncomfortably. “Director, I – “


Jenny grabbed the wastebasket just in time. Her mind was racing, trying to decide how she, as the objective NCIS director, should handle this situation. “How long have you known that you’re pregnant?”


Abby sniffled. “I suspected it a couple of weeks ago, but I ignored it until I started getting sick. I tested myself twice – positive both times.” She sighed heavily.


“Have you seen a doctor?”


“Not yet.”


“Are you sure you don’t want to terminate?” One glance at Abby’s face told her that was not an option. “Okay. You want to have the baby. What about Gibbs?”


“I don’t want anything to happen to him – it wasn’t his fault. And an accusation could get him – “ Fear sparked in Abby’s eyes. “You aren’t going to fire him, are you, Director? Promise me you won’t fire him or write him up or anything, please!”


Jenny smiled and touched the younger woman’s cheek. “No, Abby. I’m not going to fire him – although I would have if you had asked me to.” Some of the tension faded from Abby’s features.


“Now,” Jenny began, standing, “I want you to go home and don’t return to work until you’ve seen a doctor. You can get help for the morning sickness, and you look as if you need some vitamins as well.” Abby smiled weakly, and Jenny hugged her tightly. “It’s going to work out just fine,” she murmured. “Jethro loves you, you know.”


“He does?” For the first time that day, Abby’s face brightened with a real smile.


Jenny smiled back. “He does.”


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